September 8, 2014 (Week 14)

Before I left the CCM, in front of the Santiago Chile Temple.

Before I left the CCM, in front of the Santiago Chile Temple.

I actually need to give you my proper address. Turns out you are actually sending things to the CCM, which is fine, except it takes a little longer to get to me.

Misión Chile Santiago Este
Cristóbol Colon 6824
Las Condes, Casilla 27.144
Santiago, Metropolitana
Chile

You should see my books I am writing. I have note books that I am filling with goals. Basically, I am trying to set goals for the rest of my life. It´s not very easy. My thought is that a mission is almost like a time to sit back and reflect on where I am going and where I want to go, rest for a little, and develop habits that will set me on the course I really want to go. Because of this, I have taken the time to write in my books goals for the rest of my life, for the first ten years after my mission, for the first year after my mission, and for my mission itself, all with the intent of making it so that when I get off my mission I don´t stall out and I can get as much as I can out of it.

This, unfortunately, has also been a little bit of a fault of mine. I am finding that one Christ-like attribute that I really don´t have is charity. The thing is I´ve recognized that a mission is a time that I want to take full advantage of, and I know mentally that a mission is for the people in the area that I am serving, but I just can´t seem to love these people. Or, better, I can´t seem to love everyone. Some people I think I have legitimate affection for. My comp, for example. The other Elders in our pension. Select members of the ward. But that is not enough. Our ward mission leader, for example, I am really struggling with. I´m not mean, but that´s because my Spanish isn´t developed enough to be sarcastic. And I know, in reality, it is I who has to change.

Since I´ve gotten into the field, I´ve been praying a LOT for more diligence, humility and patience, and I´ve also been praying to know what I need to change. We got a talk from our Zone Conference, which basically taught us to a) not fear anyone and b) love everyone, and I realized that before I tried to develop all those other things, I needed to be more charitable, because as it says in the scriptures, without charity, I am nothing. Literally. I think every problem I am having, from not being able to street contact to being angry just being in the same room as people, would all be fixed if I learned to be more charitable.

Don´t know if any of that made any sense. It was just what has been on my mind lately.

Elder Mathewson

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One thought on “September 8, 2014 (Week 14)

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your honest thoughts and feelings with us. Right now I am struggling with some things in my life and your words about setting goals has helped me to see that by setting my own goals that I can overcome some of my difficulties right now. Also the talk that you attended on fear and that we can love everyone touched me. As far as your struggle with charity I think it is a life struggle. Perhaps this is one of the reasons that you have been sent on this mission where you will be greatly challenged with loving these people. The first step in solving a problem is admitting that you have one. That takes courage. I want to thank you for your messages, they are doing missionary work back here in Calgary!

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